Rumination vs. emotional processing
Rumination is the habit of obsessing over negative events that happened in the past. Personal reflection is great as it helps us to process emotional situations we find ourselves in. However, this can quickly turn into rumination when something frustrating, threatening, or insulting happens which we find difficult to accept and we can’t let it go of. Rumination can lead to emotional and physical stress, and leave us stuck in a negative pattern of thinking.
When does emotional processing become rumination?
As we try to make sense of a difficult or emotional situation, we soon find can’t stop thinking about it, and every time we do think about it we become upset. This leads to further over-thinking and this quickly turns into rumination.
During emotional processing we problem-solve and use our thoughts productively to resolve and accept the situation. When ruminating our thoughts become unproductive and negative as we go over and over the same details of a situation, either in our own head or by discussing with others.
As we try to process difficult emotions we become “stuck” in negative patterns of replaying past hurts without moving toward solutions or feelings of resolution.
What distinguishes rumination from productive emotional processing, or problem solving, is that rumination doesn’t generate new ways of thinking, new behaviours or new possibilities. Ruminative thinkers go over the same information repeatedly without change and stay in a negative mindset.
Why do we ruminate?
To make sense of a situation or emotional reponse.
To gain acceptance of a situation.
To seek reassurance we were right.
To problem-solve.
To prevent something similar happening again.
To feel heard and seek validation.
To justify absolving ourselves of responsibility for a situation.
Signs you may be ruminating
Focusing on a problem for more than a few minutes.
Feeling worse than you did before you starting thinking.
No movement toward accepting and moving on.
No closer to a viable solution.
How do we stop ruminating?
ESTABLISH A TIME LIMIT - set yourself a time limit of how many minutes you’ll allow yourself to ruminate over a particular situation. Set a timer and ruminate away for the designated time. Afterwards, brainstorm your thoughts and reflections in a journal or discuss with a friend. Then, move on and enjoy your day, until your next rumination period. Try and decrease the frequency and length of your rumination periods over time.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND - often the things that irritate us most about other people are the things that frustrate us most about ourselves! When you find yourself feeling angry, let down or just plain irritated by someone, or something, try and recall a time your actions caused a similar situation. This can help get a better, or different, perspective which leads to a greater understanding of why that person behaved as they did.
EMPATHISE - if you can’t accept or make sense of what someone did - try empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see if you can feel compassion for their situation.
TRY CHANGING RATHER THAN BLAMING - use your energy productively to think of ways you can change the situation and prevent it from happening again, rather than blaming the other person for your discomfort. What could you have done or said earlier to protect yourself? Come from a place of strength and understanding rather than anger and pain.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help identify the negative thought patterns that lead to rumination and develop new positive and productive ways of thinking and behaving.